I was sent an email the other day asking me to review the American preview of Skins.
It was a shit idea, Due mostly to the fact that Australia has had Skins since it aired in Britain.
Anyway. It gave me an idea. An idea I have already had. But put to one side until this email re sparked it.
The email was automated and if I were to reply, there would be no answer at the other end.
Anyway. I have began this page to review everything I find shitty, Restaurants, Video Games, TV Shows, DVDs Websites Whatever.
Got anything you want Reviewed? TomThePom@EnglandMail.com Or Comment it.
First up:
Turning Point: Fall Of Liberty Xbox 360 Game.
I only play my Xbox casually. But I decided the other day to buy a game. I have since decided to take the game back.
This one had a promising premise:
Basically. It names Winston Churchill the man who saved the world from the Nazi Regime.
In 1931 Winston got hit by a taxi in London, it left him crippled, needing the aid of a walking stick for the rest of his life.
The game states “What if the taxi hit Churchill 1 centimetre in difference, and killed him instead?”
It goes on to say that all of Europe would fall, From the East Russian port of Vladivostok to Cork.
The Nazi’s turn their attention to the USA, Who somehow figured that they weren’t next in line and nobody had a clue this was coming
So it’s sometime in the 1950′s, you are a mute with no military background who has to escape New York city. After running away from German jet planes who shoot at you, yet miss.
Finally, you get a German gun.
The Germans, in real life, created a machine gun called the MP40 in 1940. The guns in this game are all based on the German blueprints for the next generation of weapons.
So, the new MP40 is shelved for the MP50.A carbon fucking copy of the MP40. No kidding. This thing has no differences, it even looks the same as the MP40. But it has some shitty little flashlight at the end.
Holy Shit! Why did we defeat the Germans so quickly, if they were going to come up with brilliance like this?! Next time, Save it.
There are heaps of other mediocre guns too. It appears that all weapon development was put on hold by the Allies, because nobody has anything different.
Bare in mind, I actually haven’t finished the game, And I don’t plan to.
You can batter the Germans at close quarters with an action button. Your player smashes all the Hitlerism out of your enemy while his companions watch without Awe.
There is no violence. No blood. No gore. No feeling of a war zone.
The game is repetitive.
The game skips occasionally.
Every character looks like they have pulled a stocking over their head. Maybe this is a trick, to make you overlook the animators inability to create a character.
All the weapons are the same….
Everything sounds like someone shitting out an overfilled party balloon of cocaine.
The Game is repetitive.
You often die for no apparent reason.
The technology is far fetched.
The graphics look like they belong on a PlayStation 1.
The attack on New York begins quickly. In true Blitzkrieg fashion, Somehow tanks appear within 10 seconds (New York is the first place the Germans attack.)
The Germans speak a mix of German and English, Not sounding German at all when they speak.
The Game is repetitive
You are an American, And you have to kill your own president for some reason…
The Game is repetitive.
The Game is repetitive.
The Game is repeti————–
Fuck I can’t go on. Look. Here is a tip. The game is SO shit. Do not buy it.
Nice idea. But polish it up before you market it.
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Tropic Thunder- DVD
I got my laptop fixed the other day. When it came back, there were a bunch of pirated movies on it. I have managed to watch most of them but this one was the most popular of the lot on there.
Tropic Thunder, is about some overpaid and spoilt actors, lead by an under educated director making a movie about the Vietnam War. They fuck up the movie they are attempting to create. So they are sent out into the jungle to “Get a real feel of Jungle warefare” It turns out some communist rebel group start hunting them. The movie they are making is, Well, picture this:
They made a new Die Hard. But, for some reason it is in Vietnam. Mix that with Big Brother’s captivating acting and BANG! You have yourself Tropic Thunder.
It’s a hard movie to review. With constant changes in the characters, and a poorly writen script. The characters all seem caught up in their own little world. One has a fetish for Tivo. Another one has a habbit of pretending to be overly black. Another one has a huge problem with the previously mentioned pretending to be overly black and the last one seems far too quiet to give a shit.
The plot falls apart when one of the characters is captured by the Communist fighters, and is forced to be a retard and put on performances. He is then rescued but then runs back into the place he was imprisoned… Then the movie ends abruptly when the others go back for him.
Hmm. Perhaps someone ran out of money towards the end of an already poor film? I suggest so. They wasted alot of money on effects, particularly explosions and gunshots.
The movie is only for those in a brain dead state. So, Either to enjoy this movie you must be:
1. Drunk.
2. American.
3. Suffering Severe Lobe Disfunctions
4. High On Several Class- A Drugs.
5. A Mental Patient.
If, by chance, you are any of the previously mentioned, and you have somehow managed to read this far into my review, you will enjoy this movie. It will become a favorite of yours.
For anyone not a retard. Do not watch it.
